COOL MOVIE WEAPONS YOU WISH YOU COULD GET YOUR HANDS ON!

I was having one of these ultra geeky conversations with my best friend the other night (we went deep into geek territory! It was the kind of geeky conversation that your girlfriend will walk out of!) and the conversation turned out being about cool movie weapons. We started mentioning as many as we could and suddenly we realized there were a huge amount of cool ones! So I decided to do a blog post mentioning as many of these as I could remember. There are some here that come from that conversation, and some that I found while researching for this post. So without further ado, I leave you with another one of my now famous MONSTER BLOG POSTS! This one I have entitled: COOL MOVIE WEAPONS YOU WISH YOU COULD GET YOUR HANDS ON! In no particular order:

Weapon: .44 Magnun Revolver

Film: The Dirty Harry Franchise

Coments: Now here is a weapon that the character himself made iconic. Clint Eastwood’s persona and attitude is the main attraction with these movies, but what would Dirty Harry be without his trusty Magnum? This weapon has become a part of who the character is, the mentality being, you break the law, you get blown away by my trusty .44! The weapon and the character are one, so much so that the gun appears on every single Dirty Harry poster!

Weapons related dialog: “But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya? Punk?!”

Weapon: M41A1 Pulse Rifle, M56A2 Smart Gun

Film: ALIENS (1986)

Comments: So this big bad movie has not just one, but two bad ass weapons in it. The first one is the M41A1 Pulse rifle. This big bad gun will cut you in half no matter if you have armor, or acid for blood. In the film, it’s mentioned that the weapon is equipped with “explosive tipped, standard case less, light armor piercing rounds” . That’s military jargon for “you’re fucked!” This weapon is so bad ass it has a grenade launcher!

Now the M56A2 Smart Gun is the coolest looking of all the weapons on the film. Marines carry it around, its essentially a machine gun that you carry on a harness that is attached to your torso. Some say its not practical because of its weigh, and having to carry it around will slow you down if you are suddenly ambushed by nasty aliens. But that harness you carry the gun with has various uses! It not serves as armor, it also covers a small hardwired computer that runs sophisticated targeting softwear, this is why this weapon is called a “smart gun”, it practically aims at your targets for you!

Weapons related dialog: “What are we supposed to use man? Harsh Language?!”

Weapon: Samaritan and Big Baby

Film: Hellboy (2004) Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)

Comments: So basically big boy has a whole arsenal of weapons to fight monsters and the supernatural, but these weapons are not of your regular ordinary variety, these weapons are blessed by the Catholic freaking church! For example, The Samaritan shoots bullets that are filled with holy water! But of course this doesn’t mean that Hellboy doesn’t have weapons that serve for blowing up stuff really good, that’s why he’s got Big Baby, which is basically a grenade launcher.

Weapons related dialog: “Look Sammy, I’m not a very good shot, but The Samaritan here uses really big bullets!”

Weapon: The Lament Configuration

Film: Hellraiser franchise

Comments: So basically, this magical puzzle box can open the doors to hell! I decided to include it on this list because it’s a pretty deadly device. When solved, it can shoot out chains with hooks that can rip your whole freaking body apart! It can also be used two ways: you can conjure up the demons known as the cenobites, or you can use it to send them back to hell as well.

Weapons related dialog: “The Box, you opened it, we came”

Weapon: The Iron Man Suit

Film: Iron Man franchise

Comments: To me, the Iron Man armor is a whole weapon onto itself, essentially, it’s a one man army. It’s a tank, a jet, and a deadly weapon all rolled up into one. It can fire miniature missiles and blasts of energy. It can zero in on any target with precise accuracy! It has night vision, heat vision, any kind of vision you can think of. And it augments the users strength! It can fly faster than any military jet! What’s not to like about this amazing piece of work?

Weapons related dialog: “It's not a piece of equipment, I'm in it! It’s a suit! It's ME!”

Weapon: The Proton Pack

Film: Ghostbusters Franchise

Comments: What we got here is a weapon that can effectively capture a ghost and neutralize it long enough for you to catch it with your ghost trap. Then all you have to do is throw it in the containment unit back at Ghostbusters HQ. It’s a flashy weapon and its nuclear powered, so you’ll want to be careful with it. You don’t want to go and do something stupid that will put your life (and that of your team mates) in peril! Like crossing the streams! That would be bad! After all, a Proton Pack is nothing more then a unlicensed nuclear accelerator that you carry on your back! But hey, it catches ghost just fine so what’s the worry?

Weapons related dialog: “You know, it just occurred to me that we really haven't had a successful test of this equipment!”

Weapon: Atlantean Sword

Film: Conan franchise

Comments: Conan’s sword doesn’t have any magical powers, it doesn’t glow in the dark when evil appears and it doesn’t turn you into anything, it’s simply a cool looking sword. But there was some real artistry involved in the making of that sword, kudos to whoever was responsible for making the swords for that movie! According to the film, the abandoned temple on which Conan finds the sword is an Atlantean temple, and rotting corpse that sits on the throne is The King of Atlantis! So its not just any old sword either. What makes it work is of course its wielder: Conan the Cimmerian. One could argue that the real weapon here is Conan himself, and essentially, if you ask me, he is. But this sword he finds in an abandoned castle and takes from the hands of a dead rotting king is cool as hell. I always wanted that sword for myself when I was a kid! Conan went on to use it through out both of his films.

Weapons related dialog: “The secret of steel has always carried with it a mystery. You must learn its riddle, Conan. You must learn its discipline. For no one - no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts. (Points to sword) This you can trust”

Weapon: Sword of Power

Film: Masters of the Universe (1987)

Comments: Since we are on the topic of swords, I thought I’d talk about He-Mans Sword of Power, or as it is also referred to: The Power Sword or The Sword of Grayskull. This is a weapon that makes its wielder more powerful through magic. According to the cartoon show that this film is based on, the weapon turns nerdy Prince Adam into He-Man. The film ignored this angle all together and had He-Man be He-Man all the time; the Sword of Greyskull simply makes him more powerful. In the film, Skeletor manages to snatch the sword for himself and uses it to gain the powers of Grayskull to become the Master of the Universe, but He-Man manages to regain control of the sword. When he picks it up he becomes more powerful by saying “I have the power!”, just like in the cartoons. After that, He-Man fights Skeletor in a spectacular duel to the death! He-Man manages to destroy Skeletors magical staff, effectively turning Skeletor back to his regular self. It is said that this sword is devided into two halfs, He-Man has one half while the other half is in Skeletors power, Skeletors purpose is to regain control of boths swords so that he can become the Master of the Universe, which he achieved momentarily in the 1987 film.

Weapons related dialog: “Yes, Sorceress! The Sword of Greyskull! Mine! Now, and forever!”

Weapon: Hatori Hanzo Sword and The Meteor Hammer

Film: Kill Bill vol. 1

Comments: This being a film involving deadly Viper Squads and the Yakuza, well, of course theres a large amount of weapons in display on this film. But for me, two of them stand out. The first one is the Hatori Hanzo sword that Beatrix goes all the way to Japan to aquire. Its not just any old sword, it was hand made by a master swords man who specializes in making swords. Not only that, Hatori Hanzo is the one who showed Bill everything he knows about swords! The sword takes up a huge part of the last half of the film where Beatrix kills (actually more like slaughters) a bunch of bad guys with her sword in The House of Blue Leaves.

The other weapon that stands out is Gogo Yubari’s Meteor Hammer which is a weapon that is extremely similar to the one seen in Master of the Flying Guillotine, Tarantino being such a Kung Fu nut, well that makes perfect sense to me. But essentially, what the Meteor Hammer consists of is of a long chain that hold a huge spiked metal ball at the end which Gogo uses with frightening precision, she almost overcomes Beatrix! This scene is awesome, two bad ass babes, with two bad ass weapons!

Weapons related dialog: “I am finished doing what I swore an oath to God 28 years ago to never do again. I've created, "something that kills people." And in that purpose, I was a success. I've done this because, philosophically, I am sympathetic to your aim. I can tell you with no ego, this is my finest sword. If on your journey, you should encounter God, God will be cut”

Weapon: Machine Gun Leg

Film: Planet Terror (2007)

Comments: In Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror, Rose McGowan plays Cherry Darling a girl who is essentially a go-go dancer with big goals, like becoming a full time stand-up comedian. Unfortunately, her plans are put on hold when zombies start taking over her town! After she has a car accident, several zombies take her leg and decide to eat it, so suddenly she is leg less! She is quickly sent to the hospital where she is treated. But it isn’t long before he ex-boyfriend shows up with a great idea: he decides to stick a gun where her leg used to be! Now she can shoot a gun and walk at the same time! What I love about this weapon is that its just insane. Forget logic or reason, I mean, how the hell does she exactly trigger the thing to shoot? With telekinesis? And how in the hell can she walk with that thing attached to her? Specially when she is supposed to be in so much pain? But whatever, the idea is totall off the wall and entertaining. A hot babe with a machine gun and grenade launcher for a leg? Where do I sign up?

Weapons related dialog: “Don’t shoot yourself, don’t shot each other, and especially…don’t shoot me!”

Weapon: The Flying Spheres and Reggie’s double barrel sawed off shotgun

Film: Phantasm franchise

Comments: So here is a weapon that for the longest time was a mystery, but somewhere along the third film, we finally discovered what they are really made of. When we start off in the first film, the flying spheres appear to simply be flying robots that watch over the Tall Mans Masoleum/spaceship. But as the series of films progresses we learn that they come in many different variations and can kill people in many different ways. Furthermore, they have brains inside of them! And they are telepathically controlled by The Tall Man! I have to admit that one of the more fun aspects of this series of films is seeing what new type of sphere will pop up in the film. My favorite one? Chainsaw sphere! Then, we have Reggie Banister (one of the main characters in the film) use a double barrel sawed off shotgun to blow away The Tall Man Minions! In one awesome scene in Phantasm II, he blows four of them away at the same time!

Weapons related dialog: “Now remember, you don’t aim at a man unless you intend to shoot him. And you don’t shoot a man unless you intend to kill him. No warning shots. Hey, you listening to me? No warning shots! Warning shots are bullshit. You shoot to kill, or you don’t shoot at all!”

Weapon: Bruce Lee’s Nun Chucks

Films: Fist of Fury, Enter the Dragon, Return of the Dragon, The Big Boss

Comments: No one was deadlier with Nun Chucks than Bruce Lee. Once again, this is a weapon that is effective on these films but only because it is in the hands of a master martial artist! Lee was untouchable with these things!

Weapons related dialog: “Beat it, or I’ll kill you right now!”

Weapon: The Predators whole Arsenal.

Films: The Predator Franchise

Comment: The Predator is a creature that seems to live for war. Their race of beings takes their young and sends them hunting, training them for war. Kind of like The Klingons from Star Trek, they live and breath war. But they have their honor, you know how it goes. During the course of the Predator franchise we have seen the Predators use a large array of weapons! In fact, if I wanted to I could probably dedicate a whole blog post to the Predators weaponry alone! Their arsenal includes: Bio Helmet which helps them see in infra-red, night vision, heat vision, cold vision…any kind of vision you could need to properly hunt your prey. Cloaking Camouflage makes them practically invisible to the naked eye! The Plasma Caster they carry on their shoulders throws long range energy bursts that are controlled via the helmet! The Combi Stick is a giant spear that when fully extended becomes two meters long, and it can become electrically charged! The Smart Disc is a disc they can throw, like a flying knife! They have retractable wrist blades! The net gun shoots a razor sharp net made of metallic wiring! The bastards even have spear guns! Basically, they are fully prepared to kick their prey in the ass!

Weapons related dialog: “They indicated that when trapped, the creature activated a self-destruct device that destroyed enough rainforest to cover 300 city blocks. Remarkable weaponry. That’s right lieutenant, other world life forms.”

Weapon: The Fifth Element

Film: The Fifth Element and the ZF-1

Comments: This is a movie that has its characters searching for “The Fifth Element”. Supposedly it’s a device that can destroy the evil that’s coming to destroy our planet. A weapon that when activated will destroy the evil meteor thing that’s making its way towards planet earth. But exactly what is it? And how is it activated? Well, (spoilers ahead for those who haven’t seen this film) we soon learn that the Fifth Element is love, and that it can only be activated with true love between a man and a woman! Once you have love, you can over come anything! So, Bruce Willis kisses Leeloo, The Fifth Element is activated and blamo! The evil is dispersed. Planet earth is saved. Is there a cooler weapon than this one on this list? I don’t know, its composed in part by the super hot Milla Jovovich, I say that puts it on the top of my list!

But wait, we have not only one but two great weapons on this movie! Zorg, the films villain is an arms dealer, and he presents his grunts with his latest invention, the ZF-1! What does this weapon do? It’s light, the handles are adjustable for easy carrying, good for both righties and lefties. It is undetectable by x-ray, ideal for quick discreet interventions. A word on firepower: Titanium charger, three thousand round clip with bursts of three to three hundred, and with the replay button, it’s even easier!

Weapon related dialog: “Me Fifth Element. ‘Supreme Being’, me, protect you”

Weapon: The Flying Guillotine

Film: Master of the Flying Guillotine

Comments: This my friends is one of the most notorious of film weapons. It is wielded by a monk from the Shaolin Temple who is out for revenge for the death of his two favorite students. Essentially, the monk throws this disc that’s attached to a chain. The disc falls on your head, than he yanks the chain and chops your head off! This is an amazing Kung-Fu movie, and if you’re only going to see one Kung-Fu movie in your life, make it this one! And if you’re going to see two Kung Fu Movies in your life than also check out The 36th Chamber of Shaolin. That was a little extra for you, thank me later!

Weapon related dialog: “I killed seven with one blow! Did you ever hear of anyone doing that?”

Weapon: Chainsaw Hand, Kandarian Knife

Film: Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness

Comments: During Evil Dead II, the main character, one Ashley ‘Ash’ Williams, gets his hand possessed by a demon, so instead of having to fight with his possessed Ash does the most sensible thing that comes to his mind: he chops off his possessed hand with a chainsaw! After that, he comes with yet another brilliant idea. He decides to attach a chainsaw where his hand used to be, so now he can fight Kandarian demons with a chainsaw attached to his arm! It makes for a cool as hell visual, and some fun sequences in the film.

But what of when one of your friends gets possessed and theres no way of getting them back to being human? What do you do then? Well, if you can get your hands on the Kandarian Knife, you got no problem! All you have to do is stab your possessed friend with it and voila! No more possessed friend! Unfortunately you also kill your friend in the process. Remember, always read the fine print!

Weapon related dialog: “We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw…does that sound fiiiine?”

Weapon: The Auto-9

Film: Robocop franchise

Comment: Robocop’s Auto-9 guns looks and sound so freaking cool, you’ll want to add it to your x-mas gift list this year! Again, like Dirty Harry’s .44 Magnun, the Auto-9 is one of those things that makes the character that wields it complete. It fires a three-shot burst every time you pull the trigger! One of the cool things about this weapon is the way it sounds when Robocop shoots the thing! With this gun he manages incredible accuracy, Robo blows up a gas station with it! He shoots the cigarette off a dude who’s smoking! And he shoots bad guys right in the mellon!

Weapons related dialog: “Please put down your weapon, you have 15 seconds to comply!”

Weapon: The Glave

Film: Krull (1983)

Comment: In this fantasy tale Prince Colwyn must rescue his wife from the clutches of an evil entity known as ‘The Beast’ who flies around on a gigantic Black Fortress conquering planets. Prince Colwyn is planning on infiltrating the Fortress with a motley crew of wanderers to try and stop The Beast. To do this, he goes on a quest to find The Glave a magical weapon in the form of a star. This is a pretty cool looking weapon in my book, it has blades at each tip of the star and it flies around, controlled by the power of the mind of whoever wields, in this case Prince Colwyn.

Weapon related dialog: “In the fortress, you will need more than men and swords. You will need the power of the glave!”

Weapon: Freddy’s Claw

Film: Nightmare on Elm Street franchise

Comments: Its not just a glove! It’s a glove with knives attached to it! This is one of the most unique weapons in horror film history. Its iconic, you see it, and you immediately think of Freddy Krueger. It is simple, yet effective! Think of how many memorable scenes involve Freddy’s claw and you’ll see just how important it is to the franchise. My favorite scene involving this weapon? I think its on the first film, when Freddy’s claw tears away at that girl as she is floating up in the air on top of her bed! Awesome sequence! And we don’t even see the claw or Freddy!

Weapon related dialog: “There was this guy…he had knives for fingers…”

Weapon: Double Lightsaber

Film: Star Wars Franchise

Comments: Its a given, once you see a Star Wars movie you instantly want to have one of these! This weapon says a lot about its wielder. In order to have it, you have to be a Jedi Master, or at the very least, an apprentice. And another thing, you gotta build the lightsaber yourself, its one of the rights of passage towards becoming a full on complete Jedi. But once you have it, not one will step in your way. You can slice through anything with these babies! Enemies lock a door to try and trap you? Slice the thing in half! Melt it away! And whats cooler than a regular lightsaber? A double one, like the one Darth Maul uses in Episode 1!

Weapon related dialog: "This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster; and elegant weapon for a more civilized age."

Weapon: Wolverine’s Adamantium Claws

Film: X-Men franchise

Comments: And since we’re talking about claws, we might as well mention Wolverine’s awesome claws as well! Cool thing about them? They are freaking indestructible that’s whats cool about them! And they come out of his fists, so when Wolvie decides to go Berserk, its as if he's cutting his enemies with his fists. Only downside to these bad boys is that they hurt every time they come out and rip his flesh, but its nothing that Wolverines healing abilities wont take care off!

Weapon related dialog: “Hey Bub! I’m not finished with you yet!”

Weapon: Tesla Arc Gun

Film: District 9

Comment: This weapon takes a Tesla Arc and shoots it out at your enemies effectively making them explode into a bloody mess! This gun is alien in origin, and it is manufactured in a way that only the aliens can use it. Something to do with their dna or something. Interesting part of the story comes when a human starts to transform into one of the aliens, so much so that at one point, he is able to use their weapons to get away from the human scientists who are trying to capture him!

Weapons related dialog: “You tell them to fokking stand down! Put the fokking weapons in the bag! Don’t fokking look at me!”

Well, that’s it folks, I think I’ve gone on long enough, I hope you guys enjoyed this blog post. You are welcome to mention your favorite movie weapons! I left out a bunch of them cause this monster blog post was growing just a big too monstrous! Here's a couple more movie weapons I had no time to write about:

Sharks with freaking laser beams coming out of their heads!

De-evolution gun from Super Mario Brothers! 

Beastmaster uses this handy weapon! 

Legendary chainsaw!

Jason's freaking Machete!

Indy's Whip!