Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

Director: Robert Rodriguez 

Cast: Christoph Waltz, Jennifer Conelly, Rosa Salazar, Mahershala Ali, Keean Johnson, Jackie Earle Haley, Michelle Rodriguez, Casper Van Diem, Jeff Fahey and Edward Norton

So after many years in development, Yukito Kishiro’s manga comes to life in an expensive, fx filled film produced and written by the one and only James Cameron and directed by none other than genre favorite Robert Rodriguez. I remember hearing about Cameron’s intent on making this film since his Titanic days. So here we are, Alita has finally seen the light of day. Did the films long gestating period affect it in a positive or negative way? 

Rosa Salazar plays Alita

Alita is your typical big brother is watching, rebels against the evil oppressive elitist government type of thing and that always gets the juices of my juices flowing because, it’s the kind of thing we all deal with on a day to day basis. And though this story might feel ‘old hat’ to some, you know what I always say; it’s how you tell your tale that matters. And in that area Alita Battle Angel exceeds because it takes place in a complex post-apocalyptic world where most of the people live in poverty and garbage while a select few live their lives in an exclusive 1%-only-live-there utopia above the clouds, in a floating city called ‘Zalem’. Alita is a cyborg, who is thrown away like garbage, only to be found by Dr. Dyson, who then decides to give her a new body and bring her back to life. Problem is she’s no ordinary cyborg, and so the film turns into the story of how Alita discovers who she is and what she’s truly capable of. Alita is a fine slice of Cyberpunk Cinema, meaning it's a story about humans, melding with technology...centered on misfits and outcasts who battle against the proverbial system. 

Months before its release, talk of how the film would do in theaters was mostly negative. This is something I have always been against. Saying that a film is projected to do bad even before its release is wrong in my book because you are already setting the film up for failure. You’re marking it for death even before it’s had a chance to show what it’s made of. So I absolutely detest it when websites start defusing articles saying that they “project an abysmal box office” for whatever the film. I say let the audience decide! I say give the film a chance to prove itself! That being said, I wasn’t too excited for Alita Battle Angel because to be honest, the teaser trailer didn’t really do much for me. I was going to see it anyway because as I said, I always like to give films a chance. I like to give them the quintessential benefit of the doubt. Still, Alita wasn’t a priority for me. That all changed as the films premiere date approached. I saw a final trailer…I saw the anime it was based on…I started to read these positive reviews about how mind blowing the film was and suddenly my interest in it sparked. Suddenly I was excited to see it. 

Yukito Kishiro’s Manga on which the film is based on

So why doom a film to failure before it’s released? These cinematic projections are based on a couple of things. For example, a films possible outcome can be determined by how popular the source material is before the film’s release. For example, Harry Potter was a literary phenomenon way before a film was even considered. So of course, the films based on the Harry Potter books were always projected to be a success. I’m willing to bet that in today’s technologically savvy world, clicks on facebook and the times a trailer has been seen and shared on You Tube can also give number crunchers an idea of how a film will do. Reactions to tests screenings also tell producers a lot. Apparently, Alita’s future in the box office wasn’t expected to be so great. In fact, it was expected to bomb big. I’m guessing these fortune tellers were also basing their stats on how other manga film adaptations have done, like for example how Ghost in the Shell (2017) bombed at the box office. Also, expensive films based on obscure books or comics that aren’t that well known have bombed in a big way, the most recent example being Mortal Engines (2019). A great film that bombed because the books weren’t blockbuster hits or whatever. 

Battle Angel Alita isn’t exactly a new property. It is based on a Manga (that’s a Japanese comic book for you non-savvy) which is still being printed today. It was adapted into an anime series...the problem is that Alita is obviously more popular and known in Japan. In the states it is known by lovers of anime, alone, though I’m sure that will change after this film. But, if a film is good, it’s good and good word of mouth should give it life at the box office. And so Alita Battle Angel has achieved what few films marked for death have done, it came out on top. That’s right my friends, inspite of all the negative predictions about it being a box office bomb before it was even seen, the people, the audiences have decided this one is going to be a winner. But why? Well, I attribute various reasons to this success. Number one, the knock out power house combo of James Cameron and Robert Rodriguez, both world renown directors. Also, it doesn’t hurt to put the words “from the producers of Avatar” on the promotional material because say what you may about Avatar, it was a groundbreaking film in its time. Also, it was a good move for the producers to promote the film as a “must watch special effects event” that must be seen on the biggest, loudest most 3-D screen you can find in the galaxy. So yeah, all these elements, plus good word of mouth its gotten from people who have actually seen the film, have led to Alita Battle Angel battling the odds so to speak and and winning at the box office. Mind you, as of my writing this the film hasn’t passed the 100 million mark yet, but this Film Connoisseur is willing to bet it will make its money back because of good word of mouth and because of what the film will make overseas, specifically China. 

The film has gotten amazing praise for its special effects and I agree, it is an amazing looking film. It has a great cast that counts with the participation of Christophe Waltz, Jennifer Connelly and Rosa Salazar in her break out role as Alita. It also has many fine actors in smaller parts, like for example Edward Norton and Jeff Fahey. But you know, the real stars here are the special effects which are flawless in my book. Having an awesome cast is the icing on the cake. A note on the effects work, James Cameron’s special effects team, who were hard at work on the effects for the new Avatar films, stopped working on those to work on Alita. And if you know anything about James Cameron it’s that the effects in the films he is involved in are flawless, and often times groundbreaking. A special effects heavy stand out scene in Alita involves a sport called ‘Motor Ball’ which is a lot like Roller Ball and Alita loves it so much she signs up for a trial run, to see if she’s got what it takes to be part of Motor Ball. The Motor Ball race sequence could give Episode I’s ‘Pod Racing’ sequence a run for its money. But aside from its effects work, I think ultimately what will win people over with Alita Battle Angel is its heart and characters. For a film dealing with cyborgs, this film has a lot of warmth and humanity to it. It’s a story about a girl who is coming of age, a girl falling in love for the first time. And a girl, standing up to evil! I love that line where Alita says “I will not standby in the presence of evil!” Awesome sauces. Anyhow’s, Alita is awesome, well worth the wait. Amazing effects, a heart of gold and a lovable, strong lead, what’s not to love?

Rating: 5 out of 5 

Furious 7 (2015)

Furious 7 (2015)

Director: James Wan

Cast: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jason Statham, Kurt Russell, Dwayne Johnson, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris, Gal Gadot,  Elsa Pataki

If you’ve been following the Fast and Furious franchise, then you know the big expectation surrounding this seventh installment. If not then you should know that one of the main actors of the series, Paul Walker, died right smack in the middle of the production. Tragedy and irony joined forces, and he passed away while driving a fast car, just like the ones depicted in the movies. For a moment there the production floated in uncertainty. Would they scrap the project or pull on through and finish the film? Considering all the millions that had already been invested, of course they pulled through and finished the film, Hollywood has never been known to back down, even when death shows its ugly face. The interesting thing about this series of films is that each film has been more successful than the last with Furious 6 (2013) pulling in more than 700 million worldwide. So of course, a lot was expected of Furious 7. I mean, Fast 5 (2011) and Furious 6 (2013) were ultra explosive action films, bombastic in every way imaginable. It’s expected, in true Hollywood fashion that this seventh film would surpass anything seen before. Is Furious 7 more exciting and explosive then previous installments? How did they finish the film without Paul Walker?

So this time, everything revolves around something called “The God Chip” which is basically this chip that when installed can let you tap any camera, computer or phone anywhere, anytime. In this way making it an easy task to locate anybody in the world. Toretto and crew being the best at stealing things are contacted by a secret organization to take the chip from the bad guys and save the free world from evil. In the middle of all that, we have Jason Statham and Dominic Toretto, each on their private vendettas. Will Toretto and crew get the God Chip from the bad guys and save the world? Will Toretto and Statham ever kick each other’s asses?  

I grew up watching action movies from the 80’s so I’m always wondering where this generations Arnold Schwarzenegger is at. Where’s this generations Sylvester Stallone? Well, Furious 7 has answered me these questions. Furious 7 has gathered all the relevant action stars of today. I speak of Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham and Vin Diesel. These guys are the corner stone of any nutritious nitroglycerine extravaganza and it was cool to see them all together in a gargantuan action film like this one. Furious 7 is as if back in the 80’s Arnold, Stallone and Van Damme all made an action film together when they were in their prime. And it’s awesome to see all these modern action stars kicking each other’s asses  and walking away in slow motion from the explosions behind them. Did the movie make the best of this unification of testosterone?

Yes, Furious 7 has a lot of action in it, jumping from thrilling action scene to action scene, unfortunately, they blew their wad and the ending isn’t as exciting as I’d expected when compared to the previous films which ended with a bang. I’m sure this had a lot to do with the death of Paul Walker, because the death of a major cast member will bring the momentum of any production down a couple of notches. Still, it’s amazing that they pulled through and finished the film and delivered an entertaining fun ride. Just don’t expect the film to end with anything as awesome as cars jumping out of exploding air planes in a gigantic ball of flame. Still, Furious 7 has enough awesome action scenes to please any fan of this series of films. Check this out, we get a fight scene between Tony Jaa and Paul Walker! There’s a particularly thrilling scene in which the whole crew parachutes out of a plane while still inside of their respective cars! We get cars jumping from sky scraper to sky scraper, pretty cool stuff. Totally unrealistic, but who the hell cares cause its fun and we have fun characters to pull us through the cheesier stuff. And that’s really what holds this cheesefest together, the characters and the camaraderie between them.

It’s not easy to make a movie with so many characters in it, so you can expect some characters to get the cold shoulder in order to make way for others to take the center stage. Mainly, it’s the girls who get the shaft on this one. We don’t get much of Elsa Pataki, Jordana Brewster or Gal Gadot. But don’t worry, Michelle Rodriguez steps in for them with an awesome fight sequence with Ronda Rousey. Rodriguez also gets a chance to stretch her acting chops due to the resurrection of her characters romance with Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel gets to say a gazillion cheesy lines, every one of them as cringe worthy as the last. Every time Toretto talks I laugh because he’s always talking like his a wise man or a guru, spewing little golden nuggets of stupidity. He can never talk like a normal person, it’s always some cheesy over sentimental one liner like “I don’t have friends, I have family”, but call me crazy, I've grown to accept these terrible one-liners as part of what these films are. They went a little too far by turning Toretto into The Hulk at one point, but what the hell, again, I went with it. I can’t really complaint about that when I've already accepted so much.  So anyhow, you should have a blast with Furious 7. Of course, the film does end on a somber note because of Walker’s death. But they did edit a decent homage to his presence throughout the whole series and they do send him off to speedster heaven in fashion and style. I heard a couple of sniffles in the audience. No doubt this movie will make obscene amounts of money, and no doubt we’ll get another one. Honestly? I half way expect the team to be sent off into space for the next film.

Rating: 4 out of 5  

  

Fast and Furious 6 (2013)

Title: Fast & Furious 6 (2013)

Director: Justin Lin

Cast: Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, Sung Kang, Tyrese Gibson, Gal Gadot, Ludacris, Luke Evans, Elsa Pataki

Review:

The important thing about a summer blockbuster is that it has to entertain; it has to blow you out of that seat and it has to make you leave that theater with a big fat grin on your face, and quite possibly the desire to see the film again. Fast Six achieves all these things with spectacular aplomb. With each film, the Fast and the Furious franchise has improved in quality; each film bigger than the last. Keeping in line with this tendency, Fast Six is more explosive and more action packed then the previous film and in my book that’s saying a lot because I truly enjoyed Fast Five (2011)! Aside from the fact that the film was shot in my home town and I had an amazing opportunity to see it getting made, Fast Five ended up being one of my favorites of the summer 2011 season, it was simply put a good action film. Now can somebody tell me how in the hell did this franchise which I initially disliked turn into one my favorite guilty pleasures?

Fast Six starts out exactly where the previous one left off, with Toretto and crew enjoying the fruits of their last heist. Torreto is living in Brazil with Elena, his new girlfriend cop. Brian and Mia are learning how to become parents, and basically each of the characters has gone off into their own world, doing what they want with their millions, enjoying the fruits of their labor. Enter Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) the cop who almost caught Toretto and crew in the last film. Hobbs is having a hard time catching an international gang of thieves who are searching for the parts to build an emp device that could shut down a whole country for 24 hours. Hobbs needs the aid of Toretto and his team to stop these guys. Will the gang accept the mission?

When talking about films of this nature, there’s a term used to describe the artifact that triggers the action in the film, I’m talking about ‘The McGuffin’ whatever it is that the good guys and bad guys are after in the film. The McGuffin is a name given to the excuse to get the show on the road. Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter what the McGuffin is, all that matters is how they go about getting it, which in a Fast and the Furious film means vehicular warfare and massive destruction of public property, and trust me, there’s lots of that in this film! The stunts are the best part of these films and this one delivers the goods when it comes to fast cars and destruction in massive amounts. The film has two major action sequences, but they are both extended, which means that they last for more than 20 minutes each. This is something I enjoy about the action sequences in these films, they are intricate and extensive! The same can be said for the chase sequences which take place in both the streets of London and Brazil. If you are a fan of cool cars and watching them fly in the air, you will be pleased.

The whole thing about these films getting bigger and badder with each passing film stays true to the characters as well. These characters started out being a gang of street racing thugs from L.A. on the first film, by the sixth film they’ve turned into indestructible super heroes! They can jump from one moving car to the next! They can shoot their guns while jumping through the air! I mean, these guys can fall down a flight of stairs or crash into the windshield of a car and never even break a bone! Vin Diesel can even take a freaking bullet and go on driving in the next scene just fine. So my advice is to throw all your expectations of reality out the door. This film isn’t interested in being real, it just wants to wow you, entertain you with its exaggerated action sequences, which I have to say are truly fun. We get a bunch of cool cars, a tank and military plane! They really do go all out here in using all manner of cool vehicles.

It was a genius idea adding Dwayne Johnson into these series of films. I’ve always thought that Johnson is the natural successor to Arnold Schwarzenegger, and it seems there’s no stopping him now! The Rock starred in three films this summer season (G.I. Joe Retaliation, Pain and Gain and now this one)and they’ve all been huge money makers. I’m thinking we’ll be seeing a whole lot more of Dwayne Johnson in action films! Now all he needs is a cool sci-fi film or a super hero film, I can’t believe they’ve taken this long to do that. On Fast Six he has a couple of cool moments, but one of them involves him going ‘mano a mano’ with another massive dude, the battle is epic, the people in my theater where chearing! Audiences are really into these films! When the title for the film came up on screen some dude screamed “Whoo-hoo!” And speaking of fist fights, the girls in the film also get a chance to show what they are made in a fight that takes place in a subway station in London. Pretty cool scene, Michelle Rodriguez and Gina Carano give a whole new meaning to cat fight. They really go at each other’s throats!

True, the acting is not good at all in these films, especially when Vin Diesel tries his stab at sentimentalism and gets all mushy on us. It’s just too funny. But whatever, we don’t go to a movie like this one searching for the performance of the year, we go into a movie like this for the fun factor and on this one, the fun factor is quite high. When the action gets going, it gets going. On the downside of things, there’s some faults in the logic of some scenes, for example, there’s a scene that takes place on a landing field, with a plane attempting to take off that was cool as hell, but also unbelievable as hell because the landing field seemed to last forever and ever. The filmmakers obviously had lots of cool stunts to pull off for that big finale, unfortunately they forgot all about the logistics of a landing strip. There’s no way in hell that a landing strip would go on for as long as the one in this film does! That minor quip aside, I had tons of fun here. These films are similar to reading a comic book, with a “to be continued” attached to the ending…and this entry is no different. The ending will leave you wanting more, I aint gonna spoil it for you, but if what I saw in the ending is any indication, part seven should be pretty kick ass as well. I hear they are going back to L.A. for that one! The series will apparently come full circle, looking forward to that.

Rating: 4 out of 5 

Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Title: Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Director: P.W. Anderson

Cast: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez , Shawn Roberts

Review:

The Resident Evil series of films have been an entertaining bunch of films for me; a guilty pleasure of sorts. They are the cinematic equivalent of reading a comic book, the action, the storylines, the dialog all very comic book like, which means that it’s very  unrealistic but at the same time fun! And here’s the weird thing, one would expect that with so many sequels these films would become watered down versions of themselves, each getting worse then the last, but low and behold I loved Resident Evil Extinction (2007), and I had loads of fun with Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010). Hoards of zombies, hot babes with telekinetic powers and a post apocalyptic setting…what’s not to like right? So anyways, here comes the fifth installment in the series, needless to say, considering how much fun I had with the previous installments, I was pumped for this fifth film. Did it deliver? Hell no it didn’t deliver; this is without a doubt the worst of the Resident Evil movies! Why? Read it and weep my friends, read it and weep.

This film picks up right where the last one left off, with Umbrella blowing up ‘Arcadia’ an installation in which  Umbrella had been conducting some experiments with humans, or something like that. But none of that matters, if you think this sequel gives a damn about where the series had been going up to this point, then your dead wrong. You think that this sequel will continue the story arc, or that it’s all going somewhere to tell a grand story, well it aint happening! This sequel doesn’t give  damn about previous films, it eschews with whatever happened previously,, twists things around and gives you an entirely different story, which if you been keeping tabs, is the way Anderson likes it. It changes things so drastically, that you'll feel as if nothing makes sense! I've noticed that director Paul W. Anderson likes to pull you in with a show stopping cliffhangers (like he did in Afterlife) so he can pull you in for the next movie, then he goes and tells a completely different tale. In Retribution, we forget all about ‘Arcadia’ in the first five minutes of film and continue with another story in which Alice is trapped in one of Umbrella Corporations testing facilities. It seems like the Red Queen is the one in charge of Umbrella, and she means to eradicate the entire human race. As usual, it's up to Alice to stop her, but first, she must escape this prison! Will she make it out alive in order to save humanity?

To me, this fifth installment is just sad because I’d been having tons of fun with this series of films up to this point; only to have director P.W. Anderson drop the ball completely with this fifth installment. Not that these movies were ever ‘deep’ or anything, I had fun with the stylish action, the zombies, the look of the film and I was content with the story moving along little by little amongst all the action and zombies. And this one has all that slow mo and action...but something feels off. With Retribution, you’ll get the feeling that director Paul W. Anderson isn’t even trying to deliver anything remotely good, or interesting, or even entertaining, with this film he's simply streeetching things out to make a couple more millions. He’s certainly showing signs of fatigue when it comes to these films; you get the feeling he’s making them just for the money, that there’s no real passion behind them. The film feels like empty calories, but hey, even that can be fun. I did enjoy the fast paced action and the ass kicking fights, but at the end of the day, it all felt kind of redundant. 

Number one problem for me with this film is that there is almost no story to this installment, no mystery, nothing to pull us in. The way the film is structured is that Umbrella captures Alice and sends her to this facility that is divided into different ‘fake’ countries. One part of the facility simulates New York, one simulates Russian, one China, one looks like Suburbia U.S.A. and so forth. You see, in order for Umbrella to sell the antidote for the T-Virus and make kajillions, they orchestrated these fake zombie attacks, and showed them to the world, assuring a sure sell in all countries. After seeing these fake zombie attacks, every country in the world would want the antidote. But the virus got out of their control and you all know how that went, the world became populated by zombies. So Alice is trapped in this facility. Umbrella is trying to reprogram her because she’s the rebel, the one who thinks for her self; but they can’t reprogram her, she’s too strong. She soon finds a way to escape her cell and boom, the rest of the film is her trying to escape this place. In this way it feels a bit like Stuart Gordon’s Fortress (1992) or David Twohy’s The Chronicles of Riddick (2004), where the main characters main mission is to escape a super prison. Unfortunately, it also feels like your watching a video game, passing to the next level, and beating a boss at the end. 

That would all be fine and dandy, because hey, who doesnt love a bit of empty eye candy every once in a while, sadly, there’s no reason to care for anyone. These characters are like clones, simply there to push the next pointless action scene to the next level. But even a video game will have more of a plot then this film. Retribution felt like filler, there’s these boring fights that go on and on and on…there are not a lot of zombies in this film either which is what I loved about Extinction and Afterlife, on this one there’s more ‘Bio Hazards’, Umbrella Corporations monstrous experiments. Paul W. Anderson is the one who gets all the blame for this lifeless movie, because he not only directs these, but he also writes them. In this case, it felt as if Anderson was simply going through the motions, not even trying to pull off a good, involving film. Not only that, things just don’t make sense this time around. For example in all previous films,  Wesker is the main villain of the piece, on this one he does a 360 and becomes a good guy trying to help Alice? What the? What about Wesker’s plans with Alice? Who the hell cares, all previous storylines have been dropped, suddenly Wesker "doesn't work for umbrella anymore" we now have a new villain. Forget that Alice and Wesker have been enemies for the past four films, that they had been trying to kill each other since they first met. Now suddenly Wesker needs Alice, like I said, no sense at all. Story lines are dropped and changed simply to shock you with the next cliff hanger ending that will assure your butt will be there in the theater come next sequel. In that sense these films are not unlike a comic book, leaving you with that cliffhanger so you'll buy the next issue. 

The action scenes are so freaking pointless, nobody is in peril on this movie. Everything is fake or cgi, characters escape danger in zero point five seconds, there’s no tension, no feeling of dread. Huge monsters appear and are dispatched in a matter of seconds. And the  matrix style fighting has to be given some sort of break in movies! Something new is needed, seeing characters fighting the same exact way, doing the same exact moves, gets boring and redundant, by the way, thats what most of this movie feels like, more of the same. Another bummer: characters are not developed in the least! In the least! I can guarantee you will not care about a single character on this film. For example, Anderson actually brings back a bunch of characters from the first film only to kill them off in minutes? Characters are disposable on this film, simply empty vessels to kill. Case in point: Michelle Rodriguez’s participation on this film. It’s so pointless! Remember how in the first film she developed this friendship with Alice and you actually cared when she turns into a zombie? On this one, she is no one. She’s a character with zero personality.  Why is she even here? Just to add another popular actress to the film, so they can sell it more effectively. As far as the story goes, she is not an essential part and neither is anyone else on board by the way, these are just characters who shoot guns. And hey, there’s nothing wrong with brainless action, but come on, make it at the very least interesting! Or funny! A good example of a fun brainless movie would be TheExpendables 2 (2012)! Now that was a violent, brainless yet completely fun flick! The only saving grace for me with this movie is the always beautiful Milla Jovovich, she looks great on this one and kicks ass like there's no tomorrow, sadly, she's the only shinning light on this post apocalyptic abyss. 

To top things off, Anderson continues aping other films he admires over and over again. In Extinction he was aping Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981) and Day of the Dead (1985), in Afterlife he aped Escape from New York (1981) and on this one he borrows extensively from James Cameron’s Aliens (1986) right down to having some scenes where Alice is ready to escape, but has to go back to rescue a little girl from the clutches of a monster. By the way, the little girl is in a cocoon, just like Newt in Aliens. He also borrows heavily from Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead (2004). Remember that whole sequence in Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead where the main female character is waking up to a suburbia filled with chaos? Anderson does it here all over again, almost exactly the same way, but with Alice. I’ve noticed how much Anderson does this in his films. He does it so shamelessly, he is kind of like a cinematic parasite, I mean one thing is to be influenced by a film and another is to copy whole scenes from a film you admire. Doesn’t Anderson have enough originality to come up with his own film?

A scene from Dawn of the Dead (2004), sorry, I mean Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Sadly, this film was a huge, huge disappointment for me. The story goes no where, there is no advancement, previous films seem to be ignored, new storylines introduced forcibly simply to keep pumping out movies, there’s no flow to this film. It feels like a bunch of video games stages strung together and called a film; it felt like filler to me. Even though they squeezed the characters of Ada Wong and Leon S. Kennedy both of which appeared in the second Resident Evil video game back in 1998, the film still feels like filler; like an unimportant film in a franchise. This my friends was a sequel that literally had nothing to say. I’ll give Anderson this, he has impressed and entertained me with his films in the past, for example, I still love Event Horizon (1997), and on Retribution he still shows a knack for handling effects work very well, the opening sequence which starts in slow motion reverse and then goes and shows us the way it really happened in real time again...freaking sweet. So this movie while filled with imperfections, still demonstrates Anderson has a bit of a filmmaker in him. Sadly, with Retribution he is showing signs of fatigue as a director; I sincerely hope he hasn’t lost his love for filmmaking; for doing films that are worth while, for making good genre films. The ending is a grabber, it leaves the doors open for what could potentially be an interesting sequel, but considering how bad this fifth installment is, we’ll be lucky if we even get a sixth, which is  supposed to be about humanities last stand against the undead. Let’s hope Anderson takes a stand against lazy, bad filmmaking as well. This film is enjoyable thrash, but I'm very demanding of my thrashy movies, here's hoping the next and potentially final installment will be a 'one-up' when compared to this one. 

Rating: 2 out of 5   

Machete (2010)

Title: Machete (2010)

Directors: Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis

Cast: Danny Trejo, Robert Deniro, Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Jeff Fahey, Steven Segal, Don Johnson, Lindsey Lohan, Cheech Marin, Tom Savini

Review:

Beneath all its B-Movie madness, behind all its nudity, and its ‘R’ rated gore, behind what some might call its political incorrectness, Machete surprised me with its relevant themes. One look at the previews and you know you are in for over the top action and oneliners galore. So who’s to suspect that a film like this would actually have something important to say?

Many people downplay the film by saying that Machete is simply an excuse to show over the top action pieces and lots and lots of tits and gore, and in a strange way, they are right. But, I refuse to go with the idea that this is a completely stupid movie. On the surface, at first glance, that's what it might look like, that’s what it might sound like. But if you ask me, beneath it all lies a very important truth. The ‘system’ doesn’t work. Certain rules aren’t working, and they need to be re-thought. Of course, I’m talking about immigration laws in the U.S. and this idea that any foreigners need to be eliminated, like a decease, like a plague that’s spreading through out North America. What every happened to the U.S. being a “free country”? The land of the free?

Heavy Metal in Deed!

Machete tells the story of a Mexican cop (named Machete) whose wife is decapitated by a vengeful drug lord. After this happens, Machete vows to hunt down the ones responsible for his wife’s death and execute his revenge. Years pass and Machete goes to live to the U.S. He is trying to get a job, but so far, its proving to be an unfruitful affair. That is until a guy offers Machete 150,000 dollars to kill a U.S. Senator who wants to pass stronger laws that will keep any Mexicans who are trying to illegally cross the border out of the U.S. Machete smells trouble, but he needs the cash, so he takes the job. Little does he know he is being set up! The government arranged the whole thing so they could kill Machete and make it look like Mexicans are trying to kill The Senator, and blame it all on the Mexicans. Problem is that the bad guys fail to kill Machete, and he doesn’t take it very nicely when people try to kill him. So he goes on an all out revenge spree, where he teams up with a bunch of underground rebels to stop the Senator and at the same time avenge the death of his wife.

Senator Deniro

The character of Machete has been on the back of Robert Rodriguez’s head since the days when he was making Desperado (1995). He first met Trejo while shooting that picture and upon taking a look at Trejo’s appearance decided right then and there that Trejo should be making revenge movies, same as Charles Bronson did. So Rodriguez wrote a script for Machete but took his good old time to get it made. The fake trailer in Grindhouse (2007) sparked the publics interest for a film and boom, here we are today! This is Danny Trejo’s first starring role. Before Machete Trejo always played small roles that included killers, bar tenders, criminals, vampires and ex-cons. On Machete Trejo plays an anti-hero. He isn’t squeaky clean, he has no problems about slicing a bad guys stomach open and using his intestines as a means to bungee jump out a window. He was a cop who was done wrong, so now he’s become a vigilante of sorts. Taking the law into his own hands. The thing about having Trejo play Machete is that he simply looks the part. He looks like a Mexican you definitely "don’t want to fuck with". Nobody could have done Machete but Trejo; it’s the role he was born to play! Not bad for a guy who did 11 years in jail and then rehabilitated, turned his life around and became an action star! Not to mention the guy is doing all this while going on 67 years on planet earth. Talk about a late bloomer.

The movie satisfies and achieves all it sets out to do. Just what did it set out to do you might ask? Entertaining the hell out of you is the number one priority and it achieves this 100%. Comic book style action, over the top gore, lots and lots of nudity, funny characters, funny dialog, one liners galore and motorcycles with machine guns attached to them! There are decapitations, dismemberments, crucifixions and never ending shoot outs. Hell, we even have a bonafide sword/machete fight! There is never a moment where the film takes itself seriously; it’s all done very tongue in cheek. The guys and gals behind this picture simply wanted to put a smile on your face. I have to say it achieved that. People in the theater where giggling and down right bursting in laughter in all the right places of the film. We have chicks with eye patches and guns! Which reminds me that Michelle Rodriguez looks like a total bad ass on this picture! She is way sexier looking than Alba any day of the week. By the way, Michelle Rodriguez wearing an eye patch while shooting guns made me think of They Call Her One Eye, a.k.a. Thriller: A Cruel Picture (1974). On that grindhouse classic, we also have a vengeful tough chick who shoots guns and wears an eye patch. But Rodriguez's 'She'  reminded me of that film only visually, because Rodriguez’s character is more of a female Che Guevara, leading the people towards revolution. It is no coincidence that her name in the film is ‘She’, an obvious play of words aluding to the legendary Argentinian revolutionary Antonio 'Che' Guevara. Speaking of films that influenced this one, there was a scene in which Machete is looking at a table filled with weapons, trying to choose the perfect one to achieve his mission which reminded of  John Carpenter's Escape from New York (1981). In that film there's a similar scene with Snake Plissken looking at a table filled with guns. By the way, Escape from New York was one of the films that made Rodriguez want to become a filmmaker, so that connection makes sense.

The cast is one of the films main draws, it brings together an unlikely bunch of actors that you would never in a million years expect to see together, yet here they are working on this completely over the top movie. Did you ever think you’d see Robert Deniro working along side Steven Segal in the same movie? Nope! Yet strangely enough, it all works, because they all fit in their characters skin. Speaking of Steven Segal, he's really let himself go! On this movie he resembled Marlon Brando during his last days, when he got really chunky. And by chunky I mean fat! But he plays his character well, cursing in spanish all the time. Made me laugh. One of the funniest characters in the film was Cheech Marin (a.k.a. Cheech, from the Cheech and Chong Movies) playing Machete’s brother, who is also a priest! Machete asks for his help to kill, and Cheech is like “I’ll see what I can do!” and then proceeds to smoke a joint with Machete! One of the funniest characters in the movie no doubt. In one scene Cheech absolves Machete and then tells him: “Fine, I absolve you! Now get the fuck out!” Ha! Hilarious! That’s the kind of humor you’ll find on this movie.

Catholicism isnt taken too seriously on this movie at all!

The film speaks about the immigration laws, and the whole problem that this is causing in the United States. Mexicans pour into the United States every year by illegally crossing the border, they are employed by factories and companies who have no problem paying them less than minimum wages for their hard labor. They get treated like slaves. The companies do this, and the government knows it. Yet they do nothing about it because these illegal aliens do the hard labor that no one is willing to do, and for so much less! This saves companies millions every year. So if you kick these Mexicans out, who is going to do all these jobs that no one else will take on? I absolutely hate the fact that right now the U.S. is making it practically illegal to be a Latino. They are making it really hard in many ways for Latino’s to simply live in the States. It’s all part of the Xenophobia that’s eating the world. As far as Im concerned we are all citizens of the world. We are all the same, different colors and countries, but we are all humans living in one gigantic spaceship flying across the Universe, why cant we all just get along?

Nifty opening sequence looks something like this

Why is there such a thing as an “illegal alien”? Why is it such a hassle to go from Mexico to U.S.? Why does it cost so much? Why can’t it be simpler? I’ll tell you why, same as in this film: some Americans see Mexicans as a plague. They don’t see them as human beings, they see them as less. It’s sad living in a world like this, but that’s the way it is. That’s why I liked the films theme: if it doesn’t work, fix it! If necessary change; If change doesn’t come then fight; revolt. Which is why there are so many protests going on right now in many parts of the U.S. Machete touches upon a theme that is more important then its b-movie nature. Machete is the embodiment of Latino’s looking to be truly free, fighting for their rights. He is a true Latino anti-hero!  

I really liked the fact that this movie addressed these themes with such conviction. It had no problems whatsoever in voicing the anger that is felt over the whole immigration issue. Jessica Alba out of all people gives the speech that best encapsulates the whole theme of the film: “We didn’t cross the border! The border crossed us!” I mean, I’m not saying that Machete is the most intelligent film ever made, because it isn’t at all. Machete speaks in one-liners, which kind of makes him seem uncapable of speaking complete sentences. Or maybe tough movie guys simply talk that way? Whatever the case, people don’t talk much in this movie; they shoot their guns. That’s the general vernacular spoken on this film. But beneath all that, I’m sure the filmmakers main objective was to vent out the frustrations about the whole immigration thing, cant say I blame them. Kudos to Rodriguez and crew for mixing a fun movie with relevant subject matter; even if it is hidden underneath all the tits and gore.

Rating: 3 out of 5