The Expendables 3 (2014)

The Expendables 3 (2014)

Director: Patrick Hughes 

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Mel Gibson, Arnold Schwarzennegger, Harrison Ford, Jason Statham, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren, Kelsey Grammer, Antonio Banderas, Jet Li

So this is the third film in a franchise which up to this point had been going strong, unfortunately, thanks to piracy, this third outing lost a lot of millions at the box office because who’s going to see a movie that’s been out on dvd for weeks before it’s hit theaters right? Sadly this was the case with The Expendables 3, piracy killed its chances at the box office, a similar thing happened with X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), everyone had already seen it by the time it hit theaters. But to be honest, you weren’t going to be missing much if you’d gone to see The Expendables 3 in theaters. This movie might have its fun moments, but it’s also the worst in the series. I had fun with some of the inside jokes, but overall, it felt very uneven, like they were just going through the motions. Stallone, Arnold, et al all seem bored by the whole thing. In my opinion, it felt as if they weren’t even trying to do a good movie. Yes my friends, we’re talking about a potential “franchise killer” here; we talking about the movie that kills the franchise’s chances to continue. What exactly went wrong here? A lot of things! If you want to know more, read on my friends!

This time around the Expendables are after an international arms dealer called Stone Banks, played by Mel Gibson. I’m not even going to try and go into story because there isn’t any; it’s all filler between action scenes. By this I mean that they try and give the movie some “drama” but it comes off as forced and clichéd, as if they were giving these characters fake problems simply to fill the movie with running time, it doesn’t feel genuine. But then again, melodrama isn’t something I’m looking for in these types of films, they should’ve just kept the action going, because when these guys try and get melodramatic, it just doesn’t work. So anyhow, at most, what the filler surmounts to is Stallone getting rid of the old guys and gathering a new team to help him catch an old enemy. That’s about it. And here’s the big problem with the movie for me, we came to see The Expendables because we want to see our favorite action stars from the 80’s and 90’s doing what they do best, blowing shit up. I wanted to see more of Wesley Snipes, I wanted more of Arnold and Stallone, I wanted more of everybody! Hell, Jet Li doesn’t even fight in this movie! What a joke, why even bother bringing him in if he’s going to do next to nothing in the film? 

Unfortunately, on this entry they decided to get rid of the old guys we came to see and replaced them for a huge chunk of the movie with a new, younger team. Now I normally wouldn’t have a problem with it, but the guys they chose say nothing to me. They needed to bring in the new wave of action stars. I would’ve included The Rock in there, I would’ve included I don’t know, somebody who represents today’s action stars. Which brings to mind a question: just who are the action heroes of today? Truth is there are not many, which is probably why they brought in all these guys nobody’s ever heard of. Kind of like what they want to do with the new Ghostbusters film. The plan with the new Ghostbusters film is to bring in a new batch of Ghostbusters for the new  generation, and that’s fine and dandy, go ahead and do it, but you know they better bring in some funny guys to replace the originals, or else it’s just not gonna work! Same principal applies with these new Expendables they brought in for this new movie, Sadly, these new guys…well, they just don’t do it for me. Save for Antonio Banderas who steals the show in my book. He was the only saving grace in the film.

What else went wrong, well, they toned down the violence. What the hell where they thinking? I mean, these films are supposed to be a homage to the violent, blood drenched films of the 80’s and suddenly you’re anything but that. Suddenly you’re all about CGI helicopters and CGI explosions? I want to feel the heat in my freaking face! I want explosions like the ones I used to see in films like Action Jackson (1988)! Where you could practically smell the napalm! But no, sadly, I felt detachment. So much of this film is computer generated you won’t feel like your right there in the action. They should have kept the action real and in your face, because that’s what us old action fans crave, that’s what we miss. We want the adrenaline rush of seeing Stallone fight against real freaking helicopters, like the ones we saw in Rambo III (1988). Remember that one? Rambo goes up against freaking choppers on that one! Where’s that type of action? Sad part is that Stallone, who starred in so many of these awesome action films of the 80’s (like Cobra for example) should’ve know better. He should know what we want to see and feel in an action movie that’s supposed to be paying homage to a bygone era of action films. Sadly, The Expendables 3 turned into just another detached, modern action film, which means, its crap. Modern action films simply don’t compare to the glory days of action films from the 80’s. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, watch The Expendables 3, then follow it by watching Cobra (1986), or Lethal Weapon (1987), you’ll feel a shift in tone immediately. From bullshit to, shit just got real.

"Come on Arnie, let's get this thing over with, the quicker the better.."

So yeah, shame on Stallone for not getting this one right because out of all the people out there, he should’ve known better. He freaking lived through the eighties and was one of the prime representatives of what action films, real action films, were all about. My advice next time would be to get a decent director who understands what these movies are supposed to be about and not some rookie who’s only done one other obscure film. News flash Italian Stallion: the guy behind the camera matters! Also, give us what we want, we want to see our favorite action stars from the 80’s during the entire film, we don’t want to see them for twenty minutes in the opening and twenty minutes in the ending of the film, we want to see an entire film with these guys. And if you’re going to put in new members, at least make them matter! Don’t give us wannabe action stars, give us actual ones. As it is, The Expendables 3 was a slap in the face to its target audience; it’s the complete opposite of what it should have been. You might have a laugh or two; mainly when you hear Arnold scream “Get to the Choppa!”, but for the most part this Expendables film is actually extremely expendable. Next!

Rating: 2 out of 5

Pedro Almodovar's The Skin I Live In (2011)

Title: Pedro Almodovar’s The Skin I Live In (2011)

Director: Pedro Almodovar

Cast: Antonio Banderas, Elena Anaya, Jan Cornet, Marisa Paredes

Review:

Almodovar’s films have one reigning characteristic that never fails to present itself; they are always enshrouded in mystery. The mystery always unravels at the perfect pace, not too fast, not too slow; just right. By the end of the film, the mystery solved, you are always left there, on the theater seat, with your jaw dropped open. Now you are left to contemplate the feelings of amazement and bewilderment flowing through your brain. You ask yourself: did I just see that story unfold before my eyes? Sorry for the gushing, but I can’t help it, Almodovar has yet to disappoint me with his films. The Skin I Live In was no exception. Such a well told story! So beautifully shot! So well acted and written!

On the Skin I Live In we meet Dr. Robert Ledgard, a man destroyed by tragedy and sadness. You see his wife was horribly burned in a car accident, after which, hating the way she looked, she jumped off a building and committed suicide. In order to forget these past tragedies (and in his wife’s memory) he works feverishly in perfecting a new synthetic skin which can benefit humans in all sorts of ways, like preventing decease and viruses and curing those with burned skinned, like his late wife. He experiments with his new skin on a secret patient he has trapped in his home. Will the scientific community accept his discoveries? And just who is this patient he secretly harbors in his home?

Usually, as a director gets older, his or her films start to loose the quality that made them special in the first place. There’s something about old age that makes some directors “loose it”, which of course is understandable, making films can be an exhausting venture, especially for someone who is well into his or her years. Examples of directors who’ve lost it? Some that come to mind are John Carpenter, Tobe Hooper and Wes Craven, all masters of horror at one point, now, a shadow of their former selves. But then the reverse can also happen. As a director gets older, he keeps making better and better films. The accumulated knowledge over the years allows them to hone all their skills and produce a classic even though they are old. Improving even though they get older. Kurosawa, Fellini, Scorcese, Spielberg, Cronenberg all directors who made or are still making good films in spite of their old age. Of course we can add Almodovar to that list, as far as I’m concerned, he keeps getting better with time, I’ve yet to watch a film of his I didn’t enjoy in one way or another. Each film a beauty to look at, an experience.

Almodovar (left) getting ready to shoot a scene with Antonio Banderas (right)

   

The Skin I Live In felt like Almodovar remaking Oldboy (2003), but in his own style and mixed in with his own traditional themes. Almodovar mentions that his original inspiration for writing and directing The Skin I Live In came from a novel he read called ‘Tarantula’, Eyes Without a Face (1960) and also Friz Lang’s old film noirs. But if you ask me, The Skin I Live In had a bit of Oldboy in it, mixed with a little bit of Bride of Re-Animator (1990) and also James Whale’s immortal classic, Frankenstein (1931). Antonio Banderas’s ‘Robert’ comes off as a modern day mad scientist, experimenting with genetics, conducting illegal experiments where he mixes animal cells with human cells. Of course it’s all a lot of scientific bull crap that’s not real, but Almodovar pulls it off. Almodovar tells his tale in a very mysterious manner. He’s always been a director that recognizes that some of the best films have a mystery at their core. The mystery is what pulls you in and makes you keep on watching. He’s used this Hitchcockian technique quite often, but the one I remember it the most in was Bad Education (2004) and Broken Embraces (2009). So expect a film that unfolds rather mysteriously.

There’s something I love about Almodovar’s films and its how he puts us in the middle of a situation, and he lets us think we know what’s really going on. In reality, we couldn’t be further from the truth. As the film unfolds, you realize that what you’d seen before was something totally messed up because you didn’t have the bigger picture. When the film starts, you feel as if you’ve just plunged into this film already in progress. Things are taken for granted and unexplained, until slowly you realize what’s really going on. And then BAM! It hits you. Another thing that characterizes an Almodovar film are the colors, and on this one they jump from the screen as much as they do in all of his films. He revisits old themes, like revenge, lust and rape. This is a very sexual film, but coming from Almodovar, that shouldn’t surprise you. The sex in The Skin I Live In ranges from very sensual to savage and inhuman.

In closing, I’d like to mention that this film has a couple of elements that Almodovar had not worked with yet: science fiction and horror. That’s right my friends, Almodovar has made a film with horror elements. For all intents and purposes, Antonio Banderas is playing the role of a mad scientist; by the way this film is a  reunion of sorts, The Skin I Live In is their first collaboration in 20 something years! Last time they worked together was on Almodovar's Women at the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (1988). By the way, Almodovar wrote the film so that Antonio Banderas would star next to Penelope Cruz, but Cruz wasnt available for whatever reason, so instead we get actress Elena Anaya, who looks a heck of a lot like Penelope Cruz, but has her own stunning beauty to amaze us with. The Skin I Live In brought to mind the best revenge films, like the excellent Argentinean thriller The Secret in Their Eyes (2009) which by the way if you haven’t seen I highly recommend you do. Still, at its roots, this is still very, very much an Almodovar film. It has all the elements and themes you’ve come to expect from this masterful director, a director who as far as Im concerned continues to make his films with PASSION.

Rating: 5 out of 5