Title: King Kong Lives (1986)
Director: John
Guillermin
Cast: Linda Hamilton, Brian Kerwin
Review:
After seeing King Kong Lives and giving it a good reassessment,
I can safely say that in the pantheon of really stupid movies, King Kong Lives is
a contender for the top spot. I did a couple of articles a while back on Worst Movies Ever Made and I completely forgot about this one on there, in fact, I
think I’ll edit the articles to include it. Yeah, its stupidity cannot be
ignored. Wowzers this movie was bad! Let’s see, where do I begin? Well, let’s
start at the beginning; King Kong Lives is the direct sequel to John
Guillermin’s King Kong (1976), the one that starred Jessica Lange, Jeff Bridges
and Charles Grodin. That film in turn was a remake of King Kong (1933), the
film that started it all. Guillermin’s 1976 remake wasn’t bad at all, it retold
the story with modern effects, it was campy, fun, it even had some romance in
the mix. The only problem with watching it today is that the effects look
really out dated; the filmmakers did what they could with the effects that were
available at the time. When it was released, it was a marvel to behold; legendary
make up effects artists Rick Baker and Carlo Rambaldi joined forces to create
the beast for that movie, the results while not at all convincing (Rick Baker
wasn’t entirely pleased with the final results) won the filmmakers an Academy
Award for Best Special Effects. Guillermin’s remake was one of the most
successful films of 1977 (ranking fifth) and when aired on television, it was
also a ratings success; so of course, a sequel was a no brainer. Unfortunately
it took the producers ten years to get going with it. So, literally ten years
after the success of the first film, King Kong Lives roared its ways into
theaters.
The biggest problem with this movie is all the stupidity you
have to accept in order to follow the story. I know, watching a film about a
giant gorilla stomping New York City already requires huge amounts of suspension
of disbelief, but damn, this movie asked for more suspension of disbelief than
humanly possible. The first idea we’re supposed to swallow is that Kong didn’t
die at the ending of the previous film. Now this is virtually impossible since
the giant ape was shot down by machine guns! He fell from the top of the World
Trade Center! We heard his heart stop beating! I mean, everything pointed to Kong
dying, same way he died in the original film. But no, the filmmakers behind
this film (who by the way are the same ones who made the 1976 remake, right
down to its director) ask us to believe that some way, somehow, Kong has been
in some sort of a coma for more than 10 years!? Okay, fine, I’ll take that
jagged little pill, but then we’re supposed to believe that Kong is getting a
heart transplant! Okay, maybe I can believe that, but then after the operation
the guy doesn’t even have the freaking scar he is supposed to have on his
chest! The inconsistencies escalade that way all throughout the movie.
So anyhow, then there’s a Lady Kong that suddenly appears in
the Congo and some Indiana Jones wannabe who goes by the name of Hank Mitchell
finds this Lady Kong and sells her to the same university that is trying to give
Kong a heart transplant. Now, here’s my big question: why would they want to
bring Kong back to life? After all the death and destruction he brought to the
city? Don’t they figure he can do much, much worse if he wakes up again? I
mean, it’s like trying to wake up freaking Godzilla! Nobody wants that! Not
only this, but then they actually consider bringing in a female, so they can
give Kong the chance to multiply and bring forth little baby Kong’s that can
probably wreck havoc on the city just as well! These must be the stupidest scientists
this side of Howard the Duck! Not only that, but they don’t have the proper
facilities to contain a beast like Kong. The funniest part of the whole thing
is this; they struggle to give Kong a new heart so the beast can come back to
life and we get the impression that somebody actually cares for Kong. But then after
he wakes up, they drug him and put him right back to sleep! So what’s the deal?
Did they want to bring him back to life or not? The characters in this film are
playing games with poor Kong, leave the damn beast alone! Make up your minds
about what you want to do with him, but this thing about resuscitating,
drugging, resuscitating and drugging is just abusive! Especially with a
creature who has a heart condition like Kong.
But yeah, this movie is all about Kong’s heart beating
faster every time he gets a whiff of Lady Kong, who’s being held captive in a hangar, right
next to Kong’s. It’s kind of funny seeing Kong fall in love and yes my friends,
this is what you are going to see, Kong falling in love! Kong hitting on a
girl, slowly working his way up to the big event, the only difference this time
around is that he’s sticking to his species. In the first film he falls for a
human, but on this one he’s found one of his own to do the dirty deed with. Here’s
this rampaging beast that suddenly gets all sweet on us! You have to see Kong’s
face when he sees his female counterpart for the first time! It’s quite funny! So
get ready to see Kong actually grab Lady Kong’s ass!, I’m not kidding, this
happens on this movie! Lady Kong’s reaction is priceless! See Kong share a meal
with his lady! See Kong getting some! Yes my friends, not only does Kong get it
on in this movie, he also takes that big step and becomes a dad. There’s this
thing they tried to do which was show parallels between humans and animals, so
while Kong is getting it on with Lady Kong, the Indiana Jones type gets it on
with the scientist who takes care of Kong’s heart, who by the way is played by
Linda Hamilton. Her reply to getting it on in the woods with the adventurer is “we
are primates too”.
Linda Hamilton, behind the scenes on King Kong Lives
One of the biggest downsides to this movie are the special effects. This movie was made in 1986, but they decided to make this movie like it was still 1976. The 1976 version of King Kong updated things from an effects stand point. They decided not to use stop motion effects and instead decided having men in suits act like giant gorillas. They even went and built a gigantic robotic version of Kong that cost more then a million bucks! Here's a funny little bit of info from that 1976 version of King Kong, they spent a bunch of money creating that giant version of Kong, and it only appears on the film for like five seconds! Talk about a waste of money, but anyways, King Kong Lives though made ten years after the 1976 version made absolutely zero advancements in effects techniques. For all intents and purposes, this movie might as well have been in the 70's. Men in suits and miniatures galore.
"What do you mean you don't you have protection?"
But then, after Kong plants his seed, the army takes Lady
Kong away and it turns into a film about Kong trying to find his Lady friend. On
his way he stumbles upon a couple of rednecks who want to make fun of him and
they get what’s coming to them. There’s a chunk of the film which simply has
Kong going around destroying little towns and smashing Lamborghinis, then the
army decides they can take Kong on, apparently they never learn. Same thing
happens in Japan, the army there doesn’t quite get it yet that their little
tanks and guns are no good against Godzilla! Here it’s the same; they seem to
think that bullets and tanks make them invincible against a giant gorilla! Now
here’s where this movie gets even freaking stupider…the whole process of
impregnation and birth for Lady Kong seems to happen in a matter of days! Ha! Before
you know it, Lady Kong is pregnant and giving birth to Baby Kong! This
movie is nuts, it’s the kind of movie that makes you wonder what the producers
and director where thinking of when they made it. Still, I’ll let you be the
judge of it because after all, a bad movie like this is good for a laugh, which
is the only thing I can recommend this movie for. A laugh! And making me laugh
ain’t a bad thing, a lot of people have a soft spot for this movie, warts and
all. I gotta say, Kong kind of grows on you after a while. This film was the last
nail on director John Guillermin’s coffin, after two blockbuster failures
Sheena (1984) and King Kong Lives; he never made another film again. I wonder
why? I guess it just proves one thing: one two many failures in a row will get you a free pass out of Hollywood.
Rating: 2 out of 5
4 comments:
Heard a lot about this film but have never seen it. Looks amazingly bad.
Just watched the heart transplant scene on youtube to get a sample. Looks like something out of a Monty Python sketch.
The heart transplant scene I found funny because they thought it would be a good idea to make the instruments gigantic as well....so the doctors are working with giant scissors and giant scalpels...you should check this movie out sometime if you are ever in the need of a good laugh.
This played for a week here so I had to wait to rent it. I still like it, and don't think it's much worse than the 76 version, which I think is an overblown, overrated dud -- save for some great photography.
The part with the alligators was really lame. It was blazingly obvious they were baby gators he was carrying around. I did like the action, though.
I enjoyed it on an ultra cheesy level of "so bad it's good" type of deal. The ideas presented on this one are really "out there" and over the top, I mean, that scene with Kong falling in love with Lady Kong: Hilarious! Kong making the moves, comedy gold!
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