Orgazmo (1997)

Title: Orgazmo (1997)

Director: Trey Parker

Cast: Tery Parker, Matt Stone, Dian Bachaer, Ron Jeremy

Review:

You’ve probably not seen Orgazmo, it’s an obscure sex comedy that no studio wanted to put up the money for because of its crass nature and by crass I mean rude and vulgar and all those nice things that 99.9% of the population find ‘offensive’. Because of this, Orgazmo might not be the kind of film you will see playing in theaters, but on the land of straight to dvd, a film like Orgazmo can do just fine. It can thrive, find its audience and become a cult film. How I came upon Orgazmo is I love the South Park guys, their sense of humor (based mostly on crude sincerity) clicks just fine with me. To me their shows and films are like a lightning bolt of truth. They are refreshing because they are sincere with their material. Blunt? Sure, but I love how they say things unfiltered, which to me is something that is really missing in this world we live in. Humanity needs more sincerity and truthfulness and Trey Parker and Matt Stone have it to spare and share it with the rest of the world and it’s the reason why I enjoyed Orgazmo so much. 

Orgazmo is all about Joe Young, a faithful Mormon who goes house to house preaching the word of the bible to others. He wants to marry his beautiful girlfriend Lisa, the only problem is that the wedding is expensive and Joe doesn’t have the cash to marry her yet. But fear not! One day while preaching he knocks on the door of a pornographer who is right smack in the middle of shooting a porn film about a superhero named Orgazmo! The problem is that the actor who plays Orgazmo has just quit and now the pornographer is one Orgazmo too short. When the porn director sees Joe, he knows he’s found his replacement! Will Joe take the 10,000 dollars that the porn king is offering him to play Orgazmo or will he remain faithful to God?

Aside from being a genuinely funny movie, Orgazmo talks about sexual repression amongst Christian parishioners. A distinctive element of Christian religions is how they suppress sexual desires amongst their followers. Yes sir, sex in its many forms is a big no-no for Christians. At least until they are married, then it’s okay to open the gates of lust and desire. But if you are not married, then sex is a sin and you’re going to hell in a hand basket for doing it. According to the bible having sex before getting married is one of the worst sins you can commit. In 1 Corinthians 6:18 the bible states that “He who commits fornication, sins against his own body” You see, according to the bible, our bodies are temples for God, and they are not our own. That’s right our bodies belong to God’s, so we gotta take care of them. What startles me about bible scriptures like this one is how they equal the act of having sex with something evil, they demonize sex. I personally think this demonization of sex is something really hypocritical, most people find a way to have sex no matter what the church says. As anyone who’s gone through puberty can attest, when you’re a teenager there’s no stopping those raging hormones! The makers of Orgazmo agree, sexuality is normal, no need to demonize it.  This is why they place their main character, a Mormon, right smack in the middle of a very sexual situation: the making of a porn film!

Which is where things get really funny! Placing a Christian on the set of a porn film makes this a fish out of water story, the fish being Joe Young (Trey Parker), the results being comedy gold. The porn industry is ripe for jokes, and only a couple of films have ventured there. Last one I remember watching was The Amateurs (2005) which stars Jeff Bridges as an amateur porn producer/director. Another one that comes to mind is Zack and Miri make a Porno (2008), a film in which two roommates team up to make a Star Wars themed porn film in order to get some money to pay the rent. With Orgazmo I laughed like a mad man in many a scene, including one in which Joe has to have sex with this ultra fat and old porn actress, who also has a very manly voice. That moment is so awful for Joe that he mentally escapes to a beautiful sunny country side, smiling and running through the grass with his girlfriend. Or watching Orgazmo’s sidekick ‘Choda Boy’ wearing his dildo hat or shooting his dildo missile! I know that sounds nuts, but it’s exactly what happens. I mean, how genius is to have a super hero who has a gun called the ‘Orgazmorator’ which gives its victims instant multiple Orgasms? When Orgazmo shoots his enemies with the Orgazmorator, they actually say “thank you!”! The ‘Orgazmorator’ reminded me of the ‘Orgazmatron’ from Barbarella (1968), in that film the villain Duran-Duran tries to kill Barbarella with it by giving her nonstop orgasms.

As you can see, sex comedies are nothing new. Barbarella is an early example, and so is Flesh Gordon (1974). Though they are scarce today, these type of comedies proliferated like babies, especially during the late 70’s and 80’s. The only thing that makes Orgazmo different is that it’s not about teenagers trying to have sex for the first time, it’s about a Christian, putting himself through the experience of making a porn film so that he can pay for his expensive church wedding, and then, with the help of his side kick Choda Boy, he really does become Orgazmo! For real! Ha, hilarious premise! Highly recommend checking out this incredibly underrated comedy. It has cameos by a bunch of famous porn stars like Chasey Lane and Ron Jeremy. It was directed by Trey Parker, whose not only one of the creators of South Park, but also the director behind Team America: World Police (2004) and Cannibal: The Musical! (1993). Parker found it difficult to get funding to make Orgazmo, but he found his money and he made his movie. There’s no denying that Orgazmo can be considered vulgar by many, but there’s no denying it is also very funny. Ebert called it “sophomoric and witless” but I say if you’ve seen an episode of South Park than this type of comedy shouldn’t be all that shocking. The uninitiated Trey Parker’s and Matt Stone’s unique brand of blunt humor might prove to be a bit too harsh, but for the rest of us, it’s as funny and as cool as it’s ever been. Up next for Trey Parker and Matt Stone is a film called ‘The Book of Mormon’, I’ve yet to understand their fixation with Mormons (they have made fun of them in two films and a couple of South Park episodes) but if it’s anything as funny as Orgazmo, then sign me up!

Rating:  4 out of 5

Citizen Toxie: Toxic Avenger IV (2000)

Title: Citizen Toxie: Toxic Avenger IV (2000)

Director: Lloyd Kaufman

Cast: David Mattey, Heidi Sjursen, Joe Fleishaker, Paul Kyrmse

Review:

There’s a couple of films out there that pride themselves in trying to be as offensive as humanly possible. Films like John Water’s Pink Flamingos (1972), Trey Parker’s Team America: World Police (2004), Frank Henenlotter’s Frankenhooker (1990) or the Sacha Baron Cohen double whammy Borat (2006) and Bruno (2009). And I get these directors, offending people makes money. In ‘Kiss and Make-UP’ Gene Simmons autobiography, Simmons says that “the formula for success is to offend as many people as possible”; which as we all know has worked wonders for Simmons personal bank account. So I get it, Lloyd Kaufman is doing just that with his Troma films; he’s been doing it for years with movies like Class of Nuke ‘Em High (1986) and Tromeo & Juliet (1996). I’ve yet to see a Troma film that didn’t have some sort of shock element to it. Still, I have to say that with Citizen Toxie: Toxic Avenger IV he really tried his hardest.

Lloyd Kaufman proudly standing next to his creation: The Toxic Avenger!

On this film The Toxic Avenger has to stop a group of terrorist freakazoids called ‘The Diaper Mafia’ basically, these are a bunch of guys who dress up as babies and take over a school of disabled children or as it is called in the film ‘Tromaville School for the Very Special’. Unfortunately, Toxie isn’t very successful in saving the school from the explosion and so the bomb blows up and creates and opens a dimensional rift! Toxie is then transported to Amortville, which is basically an alternate version of Tromaville, and Toxies alternate doppelganger called ‘The Noxious Offender’ is trapped in Tromaville. Will Toxie return to Tromaville in time to stop The Noxious Offender from destroying his life and reputation as New Jersey’s First Superhero?

I have to admit I enjoyed all previous entries in The Toxic Avenger franchise. Parts I through III were actually pretty ‘decent’ comedies. Yeah they wanted to shock and offend, but they were pretty entertaining Z level films. And yeah, there’s a Z level in moviedom for me, it’s reserved for movies such as these; ultra low budget films that are decidedly cheap. Funniest part is that Part IV starts with an opening sequence that says that all previous sequels were not the real sequels: this is the real sequel! Right from the get go, I was giggling with this one. Kaufman knows these movies are bottom rung material, but Kaufman doesn’t give a flippin’ fuck about anything, he just wants to shock and sell some dvd’s while doing it. And he achieves it. I mean, how he could not shock with material such as this! The script literally feels as if it was ‘written’ by someone high on super crack! These films are stupid and offensive but you can rest assured that something funny, or morbid or completely gross will happen at some point, in fact, every five minutes.

Don’t believe me? Okay, try this one on for size: Toxie takes one of the members of the diaper mafia and literally pushes his head out his butthole! Then the guy exclaims “Now I got my head up my ass!” And that’s just for starters…at some point we meet a collection Tromaville superheroes and one of them is called Dolphin Man, and it’s literally a man with a dolphin head! Toxie’s sidekick is an obese dude known as ‘Lard Ass’! Toxie and Noxie both impregnate the same woman, and you can see both babies fighting inside of their mothers womb! I mean, seriously folks, these are not the craziest things you will see in this movie. Not enough for you? Then maybe you’ll enjoy catching cameos from Eli Roth, Ron Jeremy, Cory Feldman, James Gunn and even Lemmy from Motorhead! Hell, even GOD makes an appearance; and guess what? God is a drunken midget on this one! That’s how completely nuts this movie is! And he’s surrounded by whores! Still not enough? Even Stan Lee narrates part of the film! And another thing that made this one more fun to watch then it had any right to be was the inclusion of ‘Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.’ which by the way is another one of Lloyd Kaufman’s crazy creations. He’s an NYPD cop who dresses up in Kabuki style make up to fight crime! It was amusing to see Toxie going up against an evil alternate version of Sgt. Kabukiman. I immediately felt the need to watch Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (1990), so expect a review for that one soon.

Sgt. Kabukiman vs. The Toxic Avenger!

My only real problem with this film is that technically it looks worse then previous sequels, cheaper somehow. I think it’s because the previous films were shot on actual film, and that helps the film look a bit better. Strange that previous efforts look more polished then this one, I guess it makes sense, the budget for this one was a mere 500,000, while parts one and two shared a budget of 2.3 million. Still, even with its budgetary limitations, it’s commendable that Kaufman manages to turn in a bad film that amuses. These films are in my opinion bad taste in its purest form, but damn it, it’s entertaining just for that. I cannot bring myself to say that this is a good movie, because it isn’t! But I would be lying if I didn’t say that I wasn’t shocked or giggling or cringing or turning my face away very five seconds. My advice with this one is, if you are offended easily, do not watch this one! If on the other hand you enjoy the thrill of watching some unbelievably raunchy, sacrilegious jokes and grossly irreverent situations then by all means indulge on this slice of Tromaville low brow entertainment. At the very least you won’t be bored.

Rating: 2 out of 5 

Corey Feldman cameos!

    

Chillerama (2011)

Title: Chillerama (2011)

Directors: Adam Rifkin, Joe Lynch, Adam Green, Tim Sullivan

Cast: Ray Wise, Eric Roberts, Joel David Moore, Lin Shaye, Kane Hudder, Ron Jeremy, Tim Sullivan

Review:

Chillerama is a big ‘fuck you’ to Hollywood. Its four directors saying okay Hollywood, you won’t give us the time of day, then we make our own damn movie, our own damn way! And so these four guys got together and made Chillerama, which is one of the craziest movie anthologies I’ve ever seen, mind you, this does not mean its a good movie, in fact, its the furthest thing from it. But I'm guessing that this is exactly what the directors where aiming for. The film is made up of four stories all glued together by the love of going to your local drive-in, tuning in your radio, snuggling next to your date (while trying to achieve first base) eating some pop-corn and  watching some low brow entertainment. Yes sir, watching a movie in a drive-in cinema is an experience all on its own; too bad they’re going the way of the dinosaur which in part is what Chillerama is all about.

The first segment in Chillerama is called ‘Wadzilla’ and without a doubt, it is the craziest thing you are ever going to see in a while. The insane promise tells the story of Miles Munson, a dude with a very low sperm count; actually he only has one sperm! But low and behold, his doctor gives him an experimental pill that is supposed to strengthen the one sperm he does have. Problem is that this new medicine makes his sperm grow so much that it eventually ends up turning into a huge city destroying monster! The thing about ‘Wadzilla’ is that it’s the best segment of the film, and they open with it. Usually as a rule of thumb anthology films will leave the best story for last, but not on Chillerama’s case, they blew their load so to speak very early on. Chillerama suffered from premature ejaculation! Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself with that one! Too easy. So anyhows, ‘Wadzilla’ was directed by Adam Rifkin who by the way also plays the main character in the film.

Rifkin is the filmmaker behind Detroit Rock City (1999) a.k.a. the second KISS movie, a.k.a. the good KISS movie, in other words, it’s not KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978). Detroit Rock City is a film I find myself revisiting on a regular basis; it has some truly funny moments and lines; one of my favorite being when the kids put some mushrooms on a priests pizza and the priest ends up high as a kite saying things like “Santa, Satan, same letters…same guy!” Rifkin also directed a film called The Dark Backward (1991) which stars Judd Nelson and Bill Paxton; and same as Chillerama, The Dark Backward is as insane as movies get. It’s the story of a stand up comedian (Judd Nelson) whose career suddenly takes off when he grows a third arm on his back! And that aint the half of it!  ‘Wadzilla’ is a pretty funny short film as well, I wasn’t expecting it to go so over the top with its ideas and I wasn’t expecting to be laughing out loud for most of its running time either. The mood for this short is extremely tongue in cheek, it is filled with inside jokes galore and out of all the shorts in Chillerama this is the one with the most cameos. Eric Roberts and Robert Wise are here and they seem to be having a blast through the whole thing. My favorite was Wise who plays his role with tongue firmly placed in cheek. ‘Wadzilla’ was definitely the most amusing of the shorts, it reminded me of films like The Blob (1988). Some of the shots they used when the monster shows up were so reminiscent of monster films from the 80’s. A lot of that probably has to do with the fact that the Chiodo Bros., the guys responsible for Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988) where the ones responsible for the special effects in ‘Wadzilla’. The resulting effects look purposely cheap, yet entertaining to look at, perfect for a b-movie of this nature.

‘I Was a Teenage Werebear’ is to me the weakest of the stories, its practically unwatchable in my book. It tells the tale of a young man who is going through an evolutionary period in his life. He is going from straight to gay. He suddenly finds himself looking away from his girlfriend and checking out dudes. This confusion is “tearing him apart”. Things get even more complicated when a group of werebears bite him on the ass (literally!) and transform him into one of them. The whole thing serves as an allegory about being true to yourself and showing the world who you really are, instead of keeping it 'in the closet' so to speak. I had a couple of problems with this one. Number one, the werebear make up sucked, I mean, they could have done way better then just painting the actors faces. The make up effects work felt extremely lazy. That could probably have something to do with the low budget nature of this film, but damn, all other films looked better than this one, so I chalk it up to laziness. Second problem I had was that this was trying to be a musical ala Grease (1978) or Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975). The big musical number at the end of the film includes special dance moves and everything, not unlike ‘The Time Warp’ from Rocky Horror; unfortunately the song sucks and so does the dance. The actors can’t even sing, which is really the worst thing that can happen in a musical. And I really mean it, these guys cant sing for shit, and to top things off, the songs are really bad! The film even throws a couple of nudges to The Lost Boys (1987) and everything, but ultimately, ‘I was a Teenage Werebear’ is the weak link of the group. This is actually a surprise since it comes from Tim Sullivan, a veteran producer/director/actor.

Hitler experiments with the re-animation of dead tissue in 'The Diary of Anne Frankenstein'

‘The Diary of Anne Frankenstein’ was directed by Adam Green the director behind the Hatchet films and many others. This is actually the most restrained of all the shorts, yet this doesn’t mean that the segment isn’t without its insanity. According to the film, Anne Frank’s family is actually the Frankenstein family. They simply shortened their name to hide their link to Dr. Frankenstein, the famous scientist who used to experiment with the dead. The family kept the book where he wrote all his secrets on how he managed to bring the dead back to life! And Hitler wants to the book to create his own Frankenstein’s monster! The whole segment is in black and white and is actually quite funny. Joel David Moore does a pretty decent job as Adolf Hitler. He actually pulls a Chaplin on us and makes gibberish sound like German. It was fun to hear which words he could squeeze in there to make things funny. Kane Hodder plays ‘the monster’, which by the way is made up of dead Jewish people. As a result ‘the monster’ (hilariously named ‘Meshugannah’) has a long Jewish beard and sideburn curls. It is never easy doing a comedy about the holocaust, filmmakers usually shy away from attempting to make comedy out of such a horrible moment in history, yet in my opinion, Green achieves it. He makes Hitler look like an ass, and that’s always fun in my book.

‘The Diary of Anne Frankenstein’ is quickly followed by a short, short film; something called ‘Deathification’, it will test the limits of your good taste, the less said about it the better. Finally we get 'Zom-B-Movie' which is the wrap around story of the film, the one that ties all the stories together. This one was directed by Joe Lynch, the guy who made Wrong Turn 2 (2007) and is currently putting the finishing touches on a film called Knights of Badassdom (2012). On ‘Zom-B-Movie’ we basically meet the owner of the drive-in and all his patrons, the people who actually go to the drive-in to see the movies that he plays for them. A slimy (apparently toxic) substance makes its way to the pop corn sold at the drive-in and this in turn makes everyone at the drive-in turn into flesh eating zombies. I liked the look of the zombies on this one: these bastards glow in the dark! This was a pretty cool and energetic segment of the film, which gets pretty graphic and gory. This segment squeezes so many references to other films it’s not even funny! Chillerama was all sorts of fun, essentially these four directors wanted to make a movie that offended as many people as possible in the most gruesome and graphic kind of ways. They applied themselves to Gene Simmons rule for success: offend as many people as possible and success will follow. This movie isn’t for everyone though. I mean, practically every segment (save one) includes masturbation in it, genitalia gets ripped to shreds in more than one segment as well…and well all sorts of bodily fluids get thrown on screen. This movie is for those brave souls who just don’t give a crap about being ‘politically correct’, it’s a film for those people who know how to loosen up, not take themselves too seriously and enjoy a good raunchy time. Just remember, the film isnt Shakespeare and you should be fine! I mean, where else are you going to see a giant sperm screwing the statue of liberty? Nowhere else but on Chillerama that’s where!

Rating: 2 out of 5   

Glow in the dark zombies: neat-o!